Wednesday, October 13, 2010

Bruce Springsteen

"He was the Boss then, and he's the Boss now."

They call Bruce Springsteen the Boss because he’s been running the killin’ it game for the last four decades.  In fact, he killed it so hard that Bob Dylan never actually got into a horrific motorcycle accident in 1966 - he just heard Springsteen play a set at a coffee shop in Asbury Park and realized it was his time to retire from public life for the next eight years and try to recreate himself.  If Bruce isn’t doing a fundraiser for the most liberal of politicians, he and the Big Man are probably slamming shots of Hypnotiq with Miami Steve and then hitting up the best clubs in New York where the booze, drugs, and women all come free.

“Poor men wanna be rich, rich men wanna be kings, and a king ain’t satisfied till he's killin' it harder than Bruce fuckin' Springsteen.”

The boss keeps it real on a huge farm in New Jersey. Far from the prying eyes of the paparazzi, he hosts parties that make Eyes Wide Shut look like Dora The Explorer. He married a groupie who obviously knows the score: Bruce does what he wants. If it's not a dinner party with the leading minds of the day, it's sending Billy Joel pictures of what Bruce did to Billy Joel's girlfriend last weekend.  

Bruce Springsteen's music videos are the equivalent of wild game trophies hunters mount in their study, but for Bruce they commemorate the hot babes he slammed on his long run down the road of his wildly successful career.  Young Courtney Cox? Check.  Princess Charlotte of Monaco? Check.  And the videos of what the he and the E Street Band Did after the video shoots? Well, that's just what we call killin' it.

People often forget Springsteen’s exploits outside of his luminary songwriting abilities; he’s slept with more women than Paul Stanley, he tea bagged the entire country during his Super Bowl set, and he actually has more money than Carlos Slim.  But Bruce also has a soft spot. He's been known to adopt abandoned tigers and impart on them the skills to survive in the wild. Bruce learned these traits when he commanded a vast pride and ran the Serengeti in the late 80s. Throughout his career, Springsteen killed it so hard he doesn’t even remember making the 1995 album The Ghost of Tom Joad and while he may have been born to run, these days he's killin' it so hard he gets around in a '71 Cutlass Supreme or his Gulf Stream 4.

"Fuck you, Paul Stanley - I'm the star child.


  1. this guy's obviously killing it...