Thursday, December 2, 2010

Taylor Momsen

“To be honest, I don’t fucking care. I didn’t get into this to be a role model. So I’m sorry if I’m influencing your kids in a way that you don’t like, but I can’t be responsible for their actions. I don’t care.”

As they say in show biz, you haven’t arrived until Tim Gunn says something really gay and snotty about you: "What a diva! She was pathetic, she couldn't remember her lines, and she didn't even have that many. I thought to myself 'why are we all being held hostage by this brat?'” Not that Taylor Momsen could hear what he was saying – she was  in her gothic trailer of despair, painting on eyeliner, listening to her favorite band, The Pretty Reckless, which is famous because she is their lead singer – not that anyone noticed what she's singing, they’re just taking in her glorious jailbaitness and devil-may-care, Lindsay Lohan will look like a Carmelite Sister when I’m done killin’ it attitude.

"If it's a good sex tape, I'll watch it. I like some adult stars. I have a couple favorites. But I will say this: That Tommy Lee/Pamela Anderson video wasn't very good. I wouldn't fuck Tommy Lee."

Momsen got her start in the game when her parents realized that raising a kid doesn’t have to be expensive if you make them work for their Pampers. Young Taylor soon became notorious for her on-set antics, reportedly partying late into the night on the set of her first movie, The Prophet’s Game, when she was seven. Her parents, increasingly anxious about being able to live the high life on the pitiful royalties from some commercials, initially tried to conceive another meal ticket, but instead found that they could reign in the tyrannical child with a mix of Valium, Quaaludes, and letting her play dress up with the jewelry she essentially bought her mother.

"I'm not some cute girl that's been stamped out of a Disney studio and I'm proud of that. Some people like me for it, others hate it. I'm used to that."

Some may ask themselves, “What the hell does a pseudo-goth born in 1993 know about killin’ it?” Well, some may be dumb as shit, because being seventeen and rich and dumb is basically the primordial ooze of killin’ it – all you need is one spark and BOOM! – a star is born. If she isn’t busy doing four times the coke the Olsen twins were doing at her age – which is eight times the coke of a normal actress, or one eighth the level of Charlie Sheen and Mick Fleetwood, she is probably cornering the industrial eyeliner market, pioneering her new look (industrial-gothic-hooker chic), or sending sex threats to Johnny Depp, Joan Jett, and Alexander McQueen, who no one told her was dead, but whose response she awaits the most.

"Everyone compares me to Courtney Love. Courtney Love is great, sure, but in all honesty, I'm not trying to be Courtney Love. I would rather be Kurt Cobain - killin’ it so hard you have to kill yourself.”